A Visit to the Death Café
Happy All Souls Day…
Earlier this week, I went to a Death Café with my mom.
A growing worldwide phenomenon, Death Cafés aim to take the fear and denial out of death and dying by bringing people together to talk about it in a friendly atmosphere. Held at Boston’s Fenway Community Health Center, the facilitator passed around chocolate cake and prompted about a dozen of us, ranging in age from 20-somethings to septagenarians, to share our views and experiences with death.
One man lost his older brother to an overdose in September. He’s now training to be a hospice volunteer. Another woman moved from Brazil to be with her partner, who recently died from cancer at 26. She’s staying in Boston to write her dissertation on death rituals in different cultures.
We also covered topics like death positivity and good deaths vs. bad deaths (we decided we didn’t like judging death as good or bad, it just is).
Having been with loved ones at the end of their lives, I can say that dying is a powerful passage; an unforgettably intimate moment. It is an honor to be present. When someone’s life spark or soul leaves the room, you can feel the energy shift. Poof! They’re gone…

Side by side: Tombstones, early 1800s, Brookline, Massachusetts.
I like to describe death “birth in reverse.” No one knows exactly when it’s coming, even when the doctors give you a due date. It ends in sadness and feelings of profound loss rather than joy.
Still, there’s no escaping death, so why deny its existence? Much better to talk about it and have some semblance of control over the process.
I’m leaving instructions. I have a will and a power of attorney in an easy-to-find location in my desk drawer. Thanks to the Death Café, I’m getting my Do Not Resuscitate orders printed out on bright pink paper. Crazy that hospitals still rely on color coded paper, but there you go. I prefer that my friends and fam have a party afterwards. No funeral.
Now that cremations are no longer considered eco-friendly, I may just do a simple burial in a wicker basket or linen shroud and let my body compost three feet under, au naturelle. Turn me into mushrooms, preferably hallucinogenic ones.
My mom and I left the Death Café feeling a tiny bit braver about the whole process. We’re going again next month.
To find a Death Café near you, see https://deathcafe.com/deathcafes/
Thanks for this Jennifer. I also like the idea of being fertilizer for mushrooms or a tree. We are discussing ideas for ourselves and don’t want to take up space in a cemetery. Love, Karen
hey Karen – Cemeteries are nice places to visit (during the day, thank you) but I wouldn’t wanna live in one for all eternity. Plus, plots cost a fortune around here. Let me know what you decide to do! ;D Love, Jennifer xo
Nice article! Makes a scary topic feel more approachable.
thanks, Juliet – agreed! Maybe you’ll join us next time 🙂
I agree that the program is a truly unique one. I have been to several of these in Hyannis on Cape Cod. I recommend. Barbara
hi Barbara, now that I know about them I can’t get over how quickly they’re gaining traction…it’s contagious 😷 all this talk of death!!
Good writing, Jen. Glad the Death Cafe was an informative experience for you. xoxM
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Thank you, Marie, and thank you for telling Helena about the Boise Death Cafe! Mwah xoxoxox
Jennifer, what a fascinating story. Thanks for sharing. I think I will explore this further.
Thanks, Serge! Please do and let me know what your impressions are and when and where you went…death is a fascinating topic! Take care, Jen